Hmm

What to blog about today??....

Nothing emotional today i hope. (For those who say they cry every time i write something)
I want something possibly encouraging, whether by words of wisdom or anything.
But first things first,
I am extremely sunburn... I feel like ANNIE CHEN.. AHH.
-my face
-legs
-arms
-shoulders
-shins
-back
-neck
ALL HURT >:(
I feel like a red indian. That sounds kinda racist, but thats how i feel. Monday 6/27/11

I want to cover some other topics as well.

       Since summer has started, as least for me, while others are in school right now, picking up their report cards. A load of school work has been lifted. And as many of you all know, that school work and extracurricular activities strained me to the point of complaint and struggle. Summer feels liberating. But even so, all this freedom that is given to us now, must come with responsibility.... JUST Kidding haha. Summer is short, the whole year is short and time is short. Next year will start soon. For the freshman, they will become sophomores. Sophomores to become Juniors. Juniors to Seniors. And Seniors become High School Grads. I'm excited for this summer. Though for the last 16 years of my life, much has changed and I'm uncertain for the future. I wouldn't want to live just day by day either. Neither looking towards the past. Its certainly looking towards the future, using the past as stepping stones, the present as another step. All that's needed is to persevere till our time is done.

       Life is life, we should enjoy our time. Look at the creation set before us. The beautiful beaches of cyclic waves. The birds at dawn, chirping at the sun to arise. Singing, flying, dancing, though things are dying. The trees blow with the ever endless wind. Gracefully swaying as everything has a time and seemed to have dimmed. The clouds fly as the wind gently blows. Moving along the sky as the as the day begins to flow. A time of summer has come forth where joy should spring, instead of fall, and winter should not have a ball. Look around us, the trees, the sun, the water, the animals and all creation is before us. Whats to be depressed about? Smile, look today the sun is out, don't look back, and do not pout.

       Let's enjoy the day today, for today is fading and tomorrow will say hey. It takes 47 muscles in the face to frown, and only 13 to smile. If anyone wants wrinkles, continue frowning. I'm tired of the world trying to make me frown. Just look up, i don't see enough to make me drown. I will choose to look at the positive, and be effective on the world. To make a smile infectious, to become contagious. 

Encouraging I hope. So end that mope.

AH This life.

Why do i seem to want to curse life?
I'm so ******* tired..
friday was normal,
saturday was fun,
sunday f*ed my whole week up.
monday it got worse,
tuesday, i got a splitting head ache, and now i can barely open my eyes, or stop this runny nose.
I might not go to school tomorrow.
WHAT THE *. I'm so tired. I cant do any work, I hate this.I feel like giving up on everything.

The Making and Keeping of Commitments By Lewis B. Smedes

Chapter 1 - What do I do when I make a commitment?


What do I do when I make a commitment to someone?

I make an appointment with someone, for some unrestricted time, sometime in his tomorrows, and all
the tomorrows that follow all his yesterdays, tomorrows that neither of us can predict.
I stretch myself into a future neither of us can see, and I plan a rendezvous there with him, and ask him
to trust me to be there.
I reach into the unpredictable times ahead and make one thing predictable; I will be there with him.

I throw myself into the turbulent ocean of his uncertainties and create an island of certainty there for

him, the certainty of my caring presence.

I create one small space for him to have when all his foundations shake, the space of my promised

presence.

These are a few of the things I do when I make a commitment.
But let us stand back a bit and take a longer look.
We have a mystery on our hands, no doubt; Gabriel Marcel was right when he called it that,1 the
mystery of a will that in the face of a universe of contingencies makes one thing incontingent. But an
even greater mystery is this: why should anyone do it? Why would anyone or why should anyone bond
himself or herself so unconditionally to someone in the face of the unknown?
For one thing, after I commit myself, I shall change. I shall be another person one day, different from
the person who makes the commitment today. Yet, when I become that other, that different person, I
intend to be bound by the commitment that this present person is making today.
So, in one bold sense, I am expecting another person to keep the commitment I make today.
The same goes for you, when I commit myself to you. You will not be the same person in the future
that you are today, either. But I am making a commitment to you as you are today that I will be there
with you, whoever you turn out to be tomorrow.
It is the personal changes we pass through on our pilgrimage that make our willingness to make and our
power to keep commitments such a mystery.
And a gamble, too. How can we promise ourselves for the future when we don’t know, cannot know,
what sorts of persons we will be then? Or what life will be like in the time ahead, when the
commitment we made once feels like choking smoke of regretted words after the fire of intention has
died?
But, looking at it another way, the fact that we change is probably why commitment was invented.
Commitments are the only way for free persons to batten down their lives a little, give them some
permanence, some stability in the midst of change—to keep them from being blown away by shifts in
the breezes of mood and the blustery blows of passion. Commitments are one way to put some muscle
into our human relationships, give them some strength to tough out the hard times, ride out the stormy
times. Commitment lifts life a niche beyond impulse, whim, desire, drive, lust, and all the other natural
inclinations that make human relationships so rhapsodic and so painfully unstable.
Change and uncertainty create the problem. Commitment is our surprising solution.

Dangerous

Is it just me?
Or is it that its too dangerous to have friends?
Too dangerous to trust anyone?
Too dangerous to be able to spill to anyone?
Maybe i'll just bottle all my insecurities and put on that fake mask again, and maybe just give up on it all.
Why not?
Just give up on school, you dont have to give a * on college or your future.
Just give up on church, you dont have to always try to please others, even though they say its for God,
Just give up on sports, its easier to sleep at home right?
Just give up on life, whats the point if every moment you living for others and ....
Just give up on being myself, its to tiring to do everything.
Just give up on speaking, just look at myself, this is so pitiful.

I just want that new start again, a new beginning, back to the beginning, say

"Hey, i'm jerry, how's it going?"
Just try again,
Maybe this friend will be the one i can trust, Nope...NONE on this earth, None will understand, Some will attempt, but None but Jesus i guess.
Well life now i guess is still not that different. I never had a best friend.

Psalm 34:19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Rest In Peace David Wilkerson

FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 2011

by Gary Wilkerson
by David Wilkerson

“David served the purposes of God in his generation, then he died” (Acts 13:36).
On Wednesday afternoon my father, David Wilkerson, passed away in a car accident. We grieve the loss of a beloved father, a faithful husband and a holy man of God. My mother, Gwen, his wife of 57 years, was in the car also, but we are told she will recover fully.
Dad’s 60-plus years of ministry have impacted the lives of those closest to him and extended to millions around the world. Today we feel a personal loss, but at the same time we rejoice knowing Dad lived life to the fullest, obeying God with devotion and loving Jesus radically.
He was known for his unlimited faith. He believed God could change the lives of gang members and transform the most desperate drug addicts. He believed that a dynamic church could be launched in the heart of Times Square, New York City. He believed he could be a man who loved his wife and children well. And he did.
Dad was not one for fanfare, acclaim or ceremony. He turned down invitations to meet with world leaders yet would give everything he owned to support a poor orphan or a widow in distress.
Like King David of old, Dad served God’s purposes in his generation. He preached with uncompromising passion and relentless grace. He wrote with amazing insight, clarity and conviction. He ran his race well and when his work was done, he was called home.
I don’t think my father would have retired well. I don’t think he was one to sit in a rocking chair and reminisce about times past. I believe that Jesus, knowing this, graciously called him home.
Dad’s last mission on earth was to be an advocate for the poorest of the poor—to provide relief and support for hungry children and widows and orphans. After founding Teen Challenge, World Challenge and Times Square Church, he sought to feed starving children in the most impoverished countries in the world. Today, Please Pass the Bread is saving the lives of thousands of children, through 56 outreaches in 8 countries.
Like King David of old, after having served God’s purpose, he died. I know if my father were able to encourage you with his words today, he would invite you to give your all to Jesus, to love God deeply and to give yourself away to the needs of others.
The works he began outlive him. We can all attest to his impacting us—not only in his preaching, writing and founding of world-changing ministries, but in his love, devotion, compassion and ability to stir our faith for greater works.

Rest In Peace David Wilkerson. I loved your devotional you wrote every day of the week. You surely impacted my life as well as the millions of lives around the world. From Time Square Church in New York City, God used you to the fullest. Your works will go on, as well as your legacy left to glorify God. Thanks for every heart felt writing you wrote that penetrated at my heart! -Jerry Ho-

Short Post

Just listing out what ill blog about later by bloggiing now.

I want to blog about

Camp Deer Park:

My little encouragement picture:

Dry Spells current situation:

Feeling better trying to not depend on the hype :)

Good Friday!! And Easter Sunday :)

Blogging?

How deep do i really want to go with this blog? Down into the depths of my soul so i can hear the roar of the waterfall? Deep enough so i can yearn for streams of water like the deer that pants for it?
There are so many things holding onto my soul. A pull back and forth, swaying uncontrollably, shifting into this sequence of seasons and being captured and engulfed inside one. Losing myself in my own aspirations. Losing my foot hold, my identity that i should have in Christ in my ever continuing pursuit. How deep should i dive in with this blog? Should i use it for a place where i can spill my thoughts out like a bottle of ink, waiting to stain a paper? Am i using it for the purpose of replacing another? What is my purpose for this blog? Is the purpose for making myself cry in my own sensitivity, to rethink my steps, to rethink my life, to understand why i am on this earth? I dont want to be like one of those lost souls who just end up following the multitude to the house of the secular. I want to be remember the times of leading the multitude to the house of praise. With joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. I need to understand myself. I need to rebuke myself just as King David done. Just memorizing these bible verses, knowing them by heart, sometimes carrying them out, but not affecting my heart in my dry seasons i have been experiencing more frequently. My soul runs dry? How often have i asked God to Make me a vessel in which i will be like flowing water. Like A vessel of encouragement that i will be encouraged? It seems like a one-sided agreement. How often have i heard, you will become a leader? And now at the current moment, that becoming a reality? Two of my favorite verses are in Psalms 42, and Psalms 1:3, as well as 2 Timothy 1:7. These verses are always in my heart soul and mind. However, these promises i hold on to so dearly still allow me to go through my seasons of drought. Its almost making me feel like i need to back away from everything. Let everything sit for a good week to get my mind straighten out. My life isn't reflecting what God wants. At least from my perspective, This doesnt seem like something God needs. He needs the
Fervent prayer of a righteous man. Not just a corporate prayer every friday where people are forced to come and pray with dry hearts. You cant force anyone to pray. Though prayer is the best solution to a dry spell. But its so hard to carry out.
He needs genuine hearts not just the ones who are in church all the time. From the experience i had in church my whole life. I've only saw a certain few in a pack of slums waiting to be fed. The certain few are the ones who are rising up without provoke. Just seeing the need, and accomplishing it, and growing in the process. I remember hearing that from somewhere. Its truth. There are just people coming to church cause they want friends. They need a community to hang out with, one just to hold events where blow up christians are pumped and deflated.
Those who begin to rise up not be burnt out within the beginning years: How often do all of us get burnt out from QUOTE "Work, BUSY" called being Buried Under Satans Yoke. We start seeing the fog in the path, we become fatigued, we become a campfire rained out. Piling new stresses doesnt cause growth within the youth. Or at least it doesnt cause growth in the YOUTH That Have Been There Longer than most leaders. I really dont see how over stretching becomes helpful. It is School crumbling, Parents yelling at me to complete school first, Parents yelling at how many events are in the Church. For Heavens sake, we are using more than 300$ in less than half a year. Thats way more than our chinese new year money, at least for me. Its crippling to begin with so much burden.
We also need the people who are transparent: The ones able to be see through in and out of church. Those able to be looked up upon. Not in a holy sense like Pastors. Not like ohh hes here or shes here, so lets just pray guys. Look good in front of people.
I know by blogging this, you may say, "You do this" I sometimes dont know myself, enough to lead myself. How am i sometimes capable to lead others? How am i capable when i can barely say a phrase clearly enough for a crowd to have one person say "Repeat that?" All i am is a sensitive person that God Promises to become a leader. I want to lead the multitude, i need God to Direct my path by being my lamp. Dont mistake this the wrong way, sometimes i dont feel called to be in EMC. I'm supposed to go out of "CHURCH" walls. NOT IN But OUT. Or it may just be my current sight of everything. I think too much for my own good as many people i know. I just express it in a way i either seem cocky, blown up, stupid, and awkward. I'm not that charismatic, maybe with adults and older leaders, just hard to lead peers who can probably not give a load.
I'm Still figuring out the purpose of this blog. Am i really using it as a replacement for a person, should i just type these up as drafts and continue bottling it in. My Next post is ready. Its called "Things to Blog About" It just me in my current situation. I'm contemplating on posting it. I feel it over exposes me but since i know that if i post it now, it will become my testimony in the future to furthering God's Kingdom. I'm so burnt out and exhausted.