Ode to Pastor Sang

Pastor Sang Lee!! I miss you so much already!!

I'll forever miss
-your corny jokes
-your reckless driving
-your straining singing muscles
-you running for 40 minutes without stretching
-almost dying by trying parkour so i would read the bible
-how you would call or text me in the morning wishing me a great day.
-I'll miss the person that made a great difference in my life.
I've known you for almost 7 years.
You were the only one willing to pick me up from Long Island on Fridays so i could come to church.
You started the Daily Bread devotional with me about 3 years ago. We became accountability partners, and that allowed me to eventually still read it and send them out daily.
You are the closest Youth Pastor I've been with. You led the NWB for a while. You were there from the beginning to now. Our countless memories since i was 10 years old..
I'll surely miss you Pastor Sang. Oh yeah you are actually officially "Pastor" Sang now. I remember when we just called you Sang. See you in a few years. I might almost be done with college by the time you come back :/
See you soon. Love you Sang!

Transformational Prayer

My dad forwarded me this email a while back. I just read it recently

Transformational Prayer

Lord, transform my mind to think constructive and not destructive thoughts.

Work with me and teach me how to create and establish a blessed life through my spoken words.

Examine my heart and renew a right spirit within me that I may be able to walk in your true calling over my life.

Let your Holy Spirit remind me to continue to speak life daily and prepare me to walk in my God given fullest potential.

Lord, I speak in faith, calling out to ______________________(the job, your vision, your goal), that your abundant oils will flow and prosper the work of my hands.

Doors that were once closed will now be open!

I declare supernatural favor over my ____________________(project, business, finances) that I may bring you glory in all that I do.

Search me, Lord, that you may use and multiply what I already have.

Purify my heart and help me to take full responsibility over my life and to stop blaming others for where im at. Thank, Lord, for your mercy that is new everyday!

I relaease and forgive all those who have hurt me in the past. Allow your oil to flow freely over my life and all my endeavors.

Surround me with people who follow you and that are successfully and divinely appointed to me.

Lord, bless me with a Joshua anointing, that I may have a decided heart like him and that my vision will align with your will.

Thank you for all the blessings you have already released in my life and help me to keep an attitude of gratitude and to always be content, yet to continually strive to multiply for your Kingdom.

Beginning today, I will start believing forward and stop looking to the past in comparison.

Thank you, Jesus, for preparing me for the abundance that is to come!

In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

If i want, i can cry at any moment. When tears are easier than smiles. All i gotta do is think about my brother and tears come to my eyes. I dont know why, they just do. Cause we are the same person.

A few nights ago i had a dream

i dont remember much but i dont like what i remember.

All i remember is feeling backstabbed, betrayed, hurt. Watching one image repeat. And i forgot if i turned away and walked away.

Sleepless Nights

Junior year is tough, especially through all the events that occur. Darn this year is killing me. What a downhill spiral which i'm helpless to stop. Too many thoughts been flowing through my head. Failing at everything thing i do, becoming to lazy to attack the assignments required of me. Not prioritized. Thinking about my future. Becoming sad at the thoughts of people. Thinking of Sam and Ate Weng that died in the Philippines. People's birthday's coming up. Not getting enough sleep. Sleeping randomly. In class after pulling an all nighter for catching up on hw. Then pass out a whole day and miss the next days hw... Then memories diffuse into my head as i put a wall of memories upon my wall. Thinking about how the rest of this year will go, how next year will be. How church will be, how the youth will be. There are no more coordinators. The ending of New Wave Band and how no one cares. How busy people have become. How all i kinda want to do is sleep.. Its hard to find joy.. Wth, how will my life be.. Will i fall into complete school with a set of friends? I dont have time to support the church.. I ponder on my life. Will i backslide enough that i wont be prepared for the Philippines? will i be motivated enough to want to do stuff for God. Am i gonna be like that guy in Francis Chan's Fellowship Basic video that finds more family in his gang rather than church. Who will be my family? Darn why am i crying? how do i have enough energy to cry right now? Im running on a cup of coffee from 5 pm yesterday and a sleepless night. I should be studying for my worthless AP American and Calc test first and second period. I shouldnt be thinking of anything else.. If im supposed to listen to my parents your first priority is School. Church and friends and everything else comes second.... What is that supposed to mean? Why AM I SO CONFUSED right now?? Who's my foot hold in life? Who do i look to? Who can hear me? I dont know... Who is tangible that's not in a book form? Who can i guaranteed be able to hold in bed and say i love to? I have a wall full of these memories of school, of church, of God, Missions, Love, Jesus... I have music playing music. Now im reminded when i was in elementary school back in 4th and 5th grade after my first move. I'd wake up in bed rolling, dizzy, unable to know where i was, where i was going, who i was. Just rolling in anguish. Who can help me? I can't even help myself. Jason's life even seems more fun than this perpetual longing for more. What am i going to church for? to have lip service? to learn how to preach to entice people to believe what i believe? to sing music that all sounds the same? to possible raise my faith level so that im good enough for philippines so when i come back i can crash and finally be chill and give into my indwelling sin? Stealing, cheating, terrible language, lust, has sin really crept that much into my life already? Wanting to enjoy a real brawl to test out my strength, to pump up my own pride? Who am i? If i know i am nothing, why am i still trying to be something? To gain the appreciation and recognition of others? Watch me just escape back into my sports.. Its the release i have to all my stress. Running is different, i hate running. it forces you to think, but it's your mind telling the body to not to quit. You can run a few miles and think about your whole life. Wrestling you can exert all you force and be too tired to think. Thats probably why i love sports so much.
But darn. I sound so emo again. sorry for all those who loved my Summer post.. Im thinking too much again.