By T. Austin-Sparks from: The On-High Calling Volume 1 - Chapter 9

Looking to Jesus.... (Hebrews 12:2 ESV)

There is a real touch of Paul in this Letter to the Hebrews – "Looking off unto Jesus." Whoever actually wrote this Letter, the shadow of Paul is over it. His influence is everywhere. And certainly he was called upon to look off unto Jesus. Now that is a very vital lesson for us to learn. We have to do that again and again in our Christian life. If we get our eyes upon anything but the Lord Jesus we just go to pieces. Have all respect for God's saints. I am not saying that you have to eye every servant of God with suspicion and be saying all the time: "Well, of course, he is not perfect, you know." Give honor to whom honor is due, but never build your faith upon any man, however good he may be.

And as for ourselves – well, I think perhaps we are more tempted to look at ourselves than anything else! This is one of our real Christian exercises. We have continually to remove our eyes from ourselves and everything to do with ourselves. There is nothing more discouraging than this self of ours, and nothing more misleading. Our own judgments are all wrong, and so are our thoughts and ideas. They are not God's thoughts. We must take our eyes off ourselves, but not look out into space and be vacant. "Look off unto Jesus," and you know how that sentence is finished – "Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Did you start this thing? Are you a Christian because you decided to be a Christian? Well, the Lord help you if that is so! No, He started this thing. Are you not glad that you can say: "It was the Lord who found me. It was the Lord who put His hand on me." What He said is very true: "Ye did not choose Me, but I chose you" (John 15:16). He was the author of our faith, and it says that He is the finisher – He will finish it.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Wow.

I just watched this movie and I want to read this book. I would totally recommend it to anyone including my family.

I can relate, and I believe anyone can.

This is my favorite book and movie.

“To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“I'm just thinking too fast-- much too fast.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Dear friend,
I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember his for the next time I'm having a terrible week. Have you wer done that? You feel really bad, and then it goes away, and you don't know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week coming someday, so I should store up as many great details as I can, so during the next terrible week, I can remember those details and believe that I'll feel great again. It doesn't work a lot, but I think it's very important to try. ” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“Love pats are soft punches of encouragement that are admistered on the knee, shoulder, and arm.” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“For me personally, as much as I don't understand my mom and dad and as much as I feel sorry for them sometimes, I can't help but love them very much.” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“I guess when you see somebody in the hallway or on the field or something, it's nice to know that they are a real person.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“I couldn't believe Sam actually got me a present because i honestly thought the "I love you" was it.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Rest

I need some true rest.

Hurricane Sandy provided a week off from reality. For most people, work had been canceled, school closed, and a break was given. 

However, school continually lingers over my head, supplements plague my mind, weather holds continual hindrances (snowstorm), sleep and escape sounds more pleasant. Everyone was affected by Hurricane Sandy, almost everyone was sent into disarray. I scoured for Wifi and electricity for the past week. 

I ended up traveling to my grandparents house, then sleeping in my parents church, then sister's fiance's house then coming to Brooklyn in my brothers apartment. I have been wearing the outfit for numerous days attempting to complete my task of finishing school work and supplements, but work falls short when I lose motivation to continue.

I need some rest, apart from stress. Some serenity, peace of mind. A calming dream. 

I just want to finish everything and get back on track with life. I'm sure falling way behind. 

I need some rest, rest only God can provide. God relieve my stress, give me motivation, give me a prayer life, help your child. I'm weak, I need your strength to sustain me. I fall short and I know you are gracious. I am losing sight of you. 

Prayer Request: 

I need a prayer life, a constant one. 

Apathy

Lemme just say,
Life is getting to me.
i either have to snap out of it soon,
or all hell breaks loose.
I feel apathy coming back to me.
It's not a pleasant feeling.
Soon enough, i'll be numb again and it'll be hard to pull me back to life again.
I need a way out.

I miss my Grandma.

College

This college process is so darn stressful.
I'm falling back in school work.
I'm losing time management
I took a week off from being captain of the Cross Country Team.
Darn why does my life feel so out of place?

Summer to Now

Summer transitioning to school has been such a change.
This year in general has been one heck of a ride.
Beginning of summer began as a time jumping straight into the Philippines mission training.
I went to Philippines, had the experience of my lifetime.
With a month left after coming back, i spent most of my time with Susie and trying to deal with my teeth situation.
before i knew it, school started, and my mom had already left for Taiwan for relative issues.
For the past few weeks, I've been feeling very alone, stressed, and useless.
I am the Cross Country Team Captain, I'm taking a good course load, College applications are stressing me out.
I feel like time is dragging along. No, its actually, me dragging along trying to catch up with time.
Time is like a treadmill or an never ending escalator. We are just constantly running or climbing up the stairs. If we slack we stay in the same place. If we keep going, we just stepping on what life has to offer us.
I keep thinking, Life is coming at me too fast. Why can't i slow it all down and get everything together.
School work has been stressing me out.
College applications and Scholarship programs are stressing me out.
Leading well as a Team Captain is stressing me out.
Being all alone stresses me out.

I've been so disorganized. I didnt have any school supplies. I havent been eating well. I leave the house driving the car to school everyday, and after practice come home by 6pm. After showering and cooking myself some food, it becomes 8pm. At 8 pm, its hard to fulfill all the course hw. Especially AP Gov. Last night i did a 54 page outline. With a few books due monday and tuesday of next week. Some of these classes are stretching me out to the limit.
Time is progressing, its either i catch up, or fall behind and get trampled.

I'm stressed again. I feel so useless. I havent even tried joining any clubs this year yet. This is very depressing. My head is spinning. Its so annoying to keep running this race. Its like a marathon. It never ends until we die. God help me. Funny thing is, It only gets harder from here on in.