Importance of One.

LIFE SUCKS
Haha
Now question is?
"How do i make it not suck for myself?"

Its so easy to point out the short comings in each and every aspect of life.
So easy to throw a cover, a scrim over our eyes on the solutions.
So easy to cast down each and every solution possibly made before it is attempted.
Not leaving a vestigial sense of hope to leech on to.
Our inimical attitude toward our surrounding. Self-centered must be the word.Our evanescent existence slowly fading as we allow ourselves to juxtapose a utopia to imperfection.
A wall, layering oneself within. How is one supposed to break down the wall. A juggernaut is not always gonna come and break it down for one.
So easy to point fingers. Call ourselves unable to do anything, while the power of a human upon another, can drain or empower.
The example of pile of coals. Cannot burn unless ignited. True so that the power of the holy spirit should be our flame. Intrinsically we are meant to burn. Shine light. However, if the coals all decide to be drenched in water, it acts as such of an open faucet upon any spark that comes within us. We may impinge on those who desire to burn as a wildfire.
Attitude. Attitude. Attitude.
Following the multitude into the depths of uncertainty, unwillingness to do work, frivolousness, burning out as everyone has gone though, phases in life is something i have not escaped. When a spark comes, no matter how small it is. It can be tended, encouraged, magnified, imbued, filled with exuberance (which if i was able to articulate all these words in my speech i'd be joyous beyond belief). Ones presence can encourage, such as Barnabas living out his life as encouragement, support, and make ones life easier, or discourage and all fail.

Quick notes: Thank you Sasha for my painful finger tips. For being one to spark some joy in guitar playing. Your presence was able to let me enjoy and endure through some pain. Ending my torpor or inertia or my dismissive attitude toward my ability to play. Just one example how a human life an affect another.

Excuse my vocabulary. I'm attempting to expand it and possibly use it like Easter uses in her everyday speech. Another example of how one may affect another.

Pastor Sang, actually pretty encouraging sometimes to do things. I gotta admit one man's passion for what he does goes a long way. I won't forget the time you tried to parkour the church hallway in attempt to make me read the book of Romans. Which i will read a few chapters now. You almost died for the sake of on soul to read a book for their own benefit. Thanks. Another classic example of ones effect upon another.

I can probably go on and on about those important to my life. I guess if you want one or want to know what difference you made in my life. Text me or email me. I'll know how many people read this by the amount of blog traffic i get haha.

One of the main points of this blog post. Importance of one life, one soul and their ability to change lives no matter how negligible or catastrophic. A choice is always open, to uplift, or degrade, or to be stagnant and cause others to do the same.

Future Wife, Im Sorry.

Im really upset. For two years now... From October 17, 2009 to 4:50 PM September 9, 2011. I'm really sorry future wife. I was wearing it daily for you. I know I probably have yet to know you, or love you. Just i know you are out there, I will love you dearly. Saving myself for you. I wore that ring daily since October 17th, 2009 to now... barely a day ever skipped.

-I wore it for sleeping, knowing that you'll be next to me one day.
-I wore when i showered, being clean.
-i wore it during Gym in school for the past two years,
-i wore it to church every sunday, cause i know you'll be Christian.
-i wore it Cross Country, knowing i'll be prepping my heart and mind to persist anything we may go through.
-i wore it for Wrestling, that i'll be strong to protect you.
-i even wore it for tennis, but thats just cause i wanted you with me.
-i wore it playing guitar, eating, studying, anything. I am saving myself.
-i brought it across countries, i never thought i'd travel... To Philippines, Taiwan, DR.. Washington DC, All across america.. I wanted to let others know that im waiting for you.
-i know it's just a scrap of silver, but it was something i was holding dearly to my heart. Why else would i wait these hundreds of days. To do everything you can possibly think of. I love you future wife. The ring was also all scratched up, so you had proof i kept you with me. I'm sorry i lost it. I even have a tan line on my ring finger.. I dont know how long that is gonna last. I hope to meet you soon. I'll still be waiting, even though i have no ring.

GOD PLEASE HELP ME FIND MY RING SOON :'(

To my future wife, and God answer me please :(,

Future husband :)

Summer

I havent blogged in a while again. Seems like everyone has pretty much stopped.
There is no one stuffing this down our throats to do it. It's no longer homework.

What did we use this blog for to begin with? For our QTs and our weekly lives. Let's start it back up can we?

So what i want to blog about is my summer. And shout outs to friends :)

What do i have planned for the summer?
1. Summer Wrestling (optional 4 days a week)
2. Select Choral Rehearsals and Sectionals (Once a week, if we are not on vacation)
3. Dominican Republic Mission 2011 from July 25th-30th
4. Church
5. Hanging out
6. Events
7. Talking to Friends, Catching up.
8. Etc. Chillen at Home

I miss you Gloria, Rebekah, Kelley! Hope you guys come back soon :)

Hmm

What to blog about today??....

Nothing emotional today i hope. (For those who say they cry every time i write something)
I want something possibly encouraging, whether by words of wisdom or anything.
But first things first,
I am extremely sunburn... I feel like ANNIE CHEN.. AHH.
-my face
-legs
-arms
-shoulders
-shins
-back
-neck
ALL HURT >:(
I feel like a red indian. That sounds kinda racist, but thats how i feel. Monday 6/27/11

I want to cover some other topics as well.

       Since summer has started, as least for me, while others are in school right now, picking up their report cards. A load of school work has been lifted. And as many of you all know, that school work and extracurricular activities strained me to the point of complaint and struggle. Summer feels liberating. But even so, all this freedom that is given to us now, must come with responsibility.... JUST Kidding haha. Summer is short, the whole year is short and time is short. Next year will start soon. For the freshman, they will become sophomores. Sophomores to become Juniors. Juniors to Seniors. And Seniors become High School Grads. I'm excited for this summer. Though for the last 16 years of my life, much has changed and I'm uncertain for the future. I wouldn't want to live just day by day either. Neither looking towards the past. Its certainly looking towards the future, using the past as stepping stones, the present as another step. All that's needed is to persevere till our time is done.

       Life is life, we should enjoy our time. Look at the creation set before us. The beautiful beaches of cyclic waves. The birds at dawn, chirping at the sun to arise. Singing, flying, dancing, though things are dying. The trees blow with the ever endless wind. Gracefully swaying as everything has a time and seemed to have dimmed. The clouds fly as the wind gently blows. Moving along the sky as the as the day begins to flow. A time of summer has come forth where joy should spring, instead of fall, and winter should not have a ball. Look around us, the trees, the sun, the water, the animals and all creation is before us. Whats to be depressed about? Smile, look today the sun is out, don't look back, and do not pout.

       Let's enjoy the day today, for today is fading and tomorrow will say hey. It takes 47 muscles in the face to frown, and only 13 to smile. If anyone wants wrinkles, continue frowning. I'm tired of the world trying to make me frown. Just look up, i don't see enough to make me drown. I will choose to look at the positive, and be effective on the world. To make a smile infectious, to become contagious. 

Encouraging I hope. So end that mope.

AH This life.

Why do i seem to want to curse life?
I'm so ******* tired..
friday was normal,
saturday was fun,
sunday f*ed my whole week up.
monday it got worse,
tuesday, i got a splitting head ache, and now i can barely open my eyes, or stop this runny nose.
I might not go to school tomorrow.
WHAT THE *. I'm so tired. I cant do any work, I hate this.I feel like giving up on everything.

The Making and Keeping of Commitments By Lewis B. Smedes

Chapter 1 - What do I do when I make a commitment?


What do I do when I make a commitment to someone?

I make an appointment with someone, for some unrestricted time, sometime in his tomorrows, and all
the tomorrows that follow all his yesterdays, tomorrows that neither of us can predict.
I stretch myself into a future neither of us can see, and I plan a rendezvous there with him, and ask him
to trust me to be there.
I reach into the unpredictable times ahead and make one thing predictable; I will be there with him.

I throw myself into the turbulent ocean of his uncertainties and create an island of certainty there for

him, the certainty of my caring presence.

I create one small space for him to have when all his foundations shake, the space of my promised

presence.

These are a few of the things I do when I make a commitment.
But let us stand back a bit and take a longer look.
We have a mystery on our hands, no doubt; Gabriel Marcel was right when he called it that,1 the
mystery of a will that in the face of a universe of contingencies makes one thing incontingent. But an
even greater mystery is this: why should anyone do it? Why would anyone or why should anyone bond
himself or herself so unconditionally to someone in the face of the unknown?
For one thing, after I commit myself, I shall change. I shall be another person one day, different from
the person who makes the commitment today. Yet, when I become that other, that different person, I
intend to be bound by the commitment that this present person is making today.
So, in one bold sense, I am expecting another person to keep the commitment I make today.
The same goes for you, when I commit myself to you. You will not be the same person in the future
that you are today, either. But I am making a commitment to you as you are today that I will be there
with you, whoever you turn out to be tomorrow.
It is the personal changes we pass through on our pilgrimage that make our willingness to make and our
power to keep commitments such a mystery.
And a gamble, too. How can we promise ourselves for the future when we don’t know, cannot know,
what sorts of persons we will be then? Or what life will be like in the time ahead, when the
commitment we made once feels like choking smoke of regretted words after the fire of intention has
died?
But, looking at it another way, the fact that we change is probably why commitment was invented.
Commitments are the only way for free persons to batten down their lives a little, give them some
permanence, some stability in the midst of change—to keep them from being blown away by shifts in
the breezes of mood and the blustery blows of passion. Commitments are one way to put some muscle
into our human relationships, give them some strength to tough out the hard times, ride out the stormy
times. Commitment lifts life a niche beyond impulse, whim, desire, drive, lust, and all the other natural
inclinations that make human relationships so rhapsodic and so painfully unstable.
Change and uncertainty create the problem. Commitment is our surprising solution.

Dangerous

Is it just me?
Or is it that its too dangerous to have friends?
Too dangerous to trust anyone?
Too dangerous to be able to spill to anyone?
Maybe i'll just bottle all my insecurities and put on that fake mask again, and maybe just give up on it all.
Why not?
Just give up on school, you dont have to give a * on college or your future.
Just give up on church, you dont have to always try to please others, even though they say its for God,
Just give up on sports, its easier to sleep at home right?
Just give up on life, whats the point if every moment you living for others and ....
Just give up on being myself, its to tiring to do everything.
Just give up on speaking, just look at myself, this is so pitiful.

I just want that new start again, a new beginning, back to the beginning, say

"Hey, i'm jerry, how's it going?"
Just try again,
Maybe this friend will be the one i can trust, Nope...NONE on this earth, None will understand, Some will attempt, but None but Jesus i guess.
Well life now i guess is still not that different. I never had a best friend.

Psalm 34:19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;