Reason to Sing

God you gotta be changing my heart.
Thank you for today.
Thank you for giving me the desire to come to you this morning.
Thank you for giving me strength to go about this day.
Thank you for making me value a podcast (In the Meantime: Andy Stanley) over watching a show tonight.
I'm very excited about this year.
I (have) a reason to sing because you have my whole world in your hands.
Lord you are good to me.
Use me this year.

By T. Austin-Sparks from: The On-High Calling Volume 1 - Chapter 9

Looking to Jesus.... (Hebrews 12:2 ESV)

There is a real touch of Paul in this Letter to the Hebrews – "Looking off unto Jesus." Whoever actually wrote this Letter, the shadow of Paul is over it. His influence is everywhere. And certainly he was called upon to look off unto Jesus. Now that is a very vital lesson for us to learn. We have to do that again and again in our Christian life. If we get our eyes upon anything but the Lord Jesus we just go to pieces. Have all respect for God's saints. I am not saying that you have to eye every servant of God with suspicion and be saying all the time: "Well, of course, he is not perfect, you know." Give honor to whom honor is due, but never build your faith upon any man, however good he may be.

And as for ourselves – well, I think perhaps we are more tempted to look at ourselves than anything else! This is one of our real Christian exercises. We have continually to remove our eyes from ourselves and everything to do with ourselves. There is nothing more discouraging than this self of ours, and nothing more misleading. Our own judgments are all wrong, and so are our thoughts and ideas. They are not God's thoughts. We must take our eyes off ourselves, but not look out into space and be vacant. "Look off unto Jesus," and you know how that sentence is finished – "Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." Did you start this thing? Are you a Christian because you decided to be a Christian? Well, the Lord help you if that is so! No, He started this thing. Are you not glad that you can say: "It was the Lord who found me. It was the Lord who put His hand on me." What He said is very true: "Ye did not choose Me, but I chose you" (John 15:16). He was the author of our faith, and it says that He is the finisher – He will finish it.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Wow.

I just watched this movie and I want to read this book. I would totally recommend it to anyone including my family.

I can relate, and I believe anyone can.

This is my favorite book and movie.

“To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“I'm just thinking too fast-- much too fast.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Dear friend,
I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember his for the next time I'm having a terrible week. Have you wer done that? You feel really bad, and then it goes away, and you don't know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week coming someday, so I should store up as many great details as I can, so during the next terrible week, I can remember those details and believe that I'll feel great again. It doesn't work a lot, but I think it's very important to try. ” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“Love pats are soft punches of encouragement that are admistered on the knee, shoulder, and arm.” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“For me personally, as much as I don't understand my mom and dad and as much as I feel sorry for them sometimes, I can't help but love them very much.” 
― Stephen Chbosky

“I guess when you see somebody in the hallway or on the field or something, it's nice to know that they are a real person.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“I couldn't believe Sam actually got me a present because i honestly thought the "I love you" was it.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Rest

I need some true rest.

Hurricane Sandy provided a week off from reality. For most people, work had been canceled, school closed, and a break was given. 

However, school continually lingers over my head, supplements plague my mind, weather holds continual hindrances (snowstorm), sleep and escape sounds more pleasant. Everyone was affected by Hurricane Sandy, almost everyone was sent into disarray. I scoured for Wifi and electricity for the past week. 

I ended up traveling to my grandparents house, then sleeping in my parents church, then sister's fiance's house then coming to Brooklyn in my brothers apartment. I have been wearing the outfit for numerous days attempting to complete my task of finishing school work and supplements, but work falls short when I lose motivation to continue.

I need some rest, apart from stress. Some serenity, peace of mind. A calming dream. 

I just want to finish everything and get back on track with life. I'm sure falling way behind. 

I need some rest, rest only God can provide. God relieve my stress, give me motivation, give me a prayer life, help your child. I'm weak, I need your strength to sustain me. I fall short and I know you are gracious. I am losing sight of you. 

Prayer Request: 

I need a prayer life, a constant one. 

Apathy

Lemme just say,
Life is getting to me.
i either have to snap out of it soon,
or all hell breaks loose.
I feel apathy coming back to me.
It's not a pleasant feeling.
Soon enough, i'll be numb again and it'll be hard to pull me back to life again.
I need a way out.

I miss my Grandma.

College

This college process is so darn stressful.
I'm falling back in school work.
I'm losing time management
I took a week off from being captain of the Cross Country Team.
Darn why does my life feel so out of place?

Summer to Now

Summer transitioning to school has been such a change.
This year in general has been one heck of a ride.
Beginning of summer began as a time jumping straight into the Philippines mission training.
I went to Philippines, had the experience of my lifetime.
With a month left after coming back, i spent most of my time with Susie and trying to deal with my teeth situation.
before i knew it, school started, and my mom had already left for Taiwan for relative issues.
For the past few weeks, I've been feeling very alone, stressed, and useless.
I am the Cross Country Team Captain, I'm taking a good course load, College applications are stressing me out.
I feel like time is dragging along. No, its actually, me dragging along trying to catch up with time.
Time is like a treadmill or an never ending escalator. We are just constantly running or climbing up the stairs. If we slack we stay in the same place. If we keep going, we just stepping on what life has to offer us.
I keep thinking, Life is coming at me too fast. Why can't i slow it all down and get everything together.
School work has been stressing me out.
College applications and Scholarship programs are stressing me out.
Leading well as a Team Captain is stressing me out.
Being all alone stresses me out.

I've been so disorganized. I didnt have any school supplies. I havent been eating well. I leave the house driving the car to school everyday, and after practice come home by 6pm. After showering and cooking myself some food, it becomes 8pm. At 8 pm, its hard to fulfill all the course hw. Especially AP Gov. Last night i did a 54 page outline. With a few books due monday and tuesday of next week. Some of these classes are stretching me out to the limit.
Time is progressing, its either i catch up, or fall behind and get trampled.

I'm stressed again. I feel so useless. I havent even tried joining any clubs this year yet. This is very depressing. My head is spinning. Its so annoying to keep running this race. Its like a marathon. It never ends until we die. God help me. Funny thing is, It only gets harder from here on in.

Dyed Hair

I dyed my hair Auburn today.

Venue for today:
- Woke up at 6 am
- took 7am bus to Susie's house
- Got there around 8:30
- ate at dunkin donuts for breakfast
- went to fresh meadow theaters to watch Brave 9:55 showing
- took q17 to walgreens
- picked up photos for joan
- walked to burgerking
- met up with nancy, and walked to her friend's house
- at the house, she put red dye in my hair cause it was already dark, so red should just make it auburn
- i left the dye in for 40 minutes
- susie was bored, i washed out the dye
- outside, my hair was violet red.... it wasnt auburn
- went to buy two roast porks over rice
- ate, talked, had fun
- tickle wars!
- we walked to duane reade
- bought a birthday card for Ruth Lee, Her birthday is July 3rd
- wrote on the card
- walked to quickly, Ruth met susie for the first time. Ruth's mom was there too
- talked till 420
- went to burgerking for bathroom (smelled terrible)...
- took the bus to Susie's house
- said hi to her brother
- walked to her church
- helped her choose out songs for service
- relaxed till 5:48
- took the q27 to bell blvd.
- waited for the 6:12 bus
- sweating red from my head
- got to Glen Cove around 7:15
- walked home. on the way saw a couple of friends
- got home.

It was a very eventful day :) My hair is a bit too bright for my taste, but all is well :)

I really love Select Chorale

Select.....seriously?!?!? Did you guys really do that today?!?!? All I can say is wow! I've watched it twice already!! Im not going to get all sentimental now, I'll save that for tomorrow, but you guys are the magic that is GCHS Select Chorale! Where would we be without you! If you haven't seen the video...you have to! It is PERFECT! My favorite part (other than Sh#t Norris says) were all of the smiles at the end! This group is IRREPLACEABLE! Im at a loss for words! We'll talk tomorrow! We'll set up a viewing party!Unlike

• • Gchs Select Chorale Ali, all I can say is I love you! You my dear are the top! Thank you for putting so much into this project. Thank you to the officers (Angie, Paulie, Vicki) for all of your help with this as well. I will cherish this for the rest of my life!

     

     

     

     

    I really love Edward Preston Norris III and the whole Select Chorale. Its probably the only class i look forward to going to at the start of everyday. I love how it was so perfectly placed at the last period of the day. 

    This whole entire year in Select Chorale has been a blast. We did unfathomable things. Our very first performance was the most important in ACDA and we nailed it perfectly. First performance and we were already traveling 8 hours up to Rochester. That feel like just yesterday when i was bonding with my bros inside our hotel room bumping to some music. Going to other people's rooms and having pillow fights. Being so real and bonding to real people. When time came to need to sing, we would iron our white shirts and black tie. We would put on our slacks, tuck in our white shirts. Button each button. Put on our black tie and tighten it. Wear some dress socks. Put on our dress shoes. And finally place on our most prestigious outfit: Our Maroon Blazer that states our origin and where we represent. As we button the top button only. We wear our outfits with pride. As Norris says, The performance begins as soon as the audience sees the first person walk out on to the riser. We stand with pride, heads tall and chin up. With determination we complete our goal. Another cool thing about us is that, when we are singing, we are able to loosen up too. We follow our leader and we enjoy every downbeat of his baton.

     After that the Winter Concert rolled around. And some how we blew the roof off of that too. 

    Its amazing to see how much 57 young adults can do when they are lead by a great leader and all have the same focus to sing skillfully and strive for perfection. I have never seen a group like this. Three standing ovations. I will ever remember that moment in which we placed our heads down to conclude the piece Circle of Life. When we lifted our heads, the crowd had already exploded out of their seats and applauded with the sound of a rushing waterfall. Our heads were in amazement. That became another moment where we finally realize, "This is what i am a part of. The Select Chorale. There is none else like us. This is what makes us special and stand out" From the start of the performance to the end. With determination and nervousness, we succeeded with a perfect performance. "perfect"( a word Norris seldom uses) Used it to complement that performance.

    While i was looking at the gift the Chorale made for Norris this year. I could not but have a grin on my face for the whole entire thing. Except for the occasional times i popped up and how much i hate my pronunciation of words. (which i love that i get to forget about that in Chorale) In Chorale, it is a judging free zone. It is a family setting no one can comprehend unless they were a part of us. 

    I can't believe i only have 1 year left. I can guarantee that during that spring concert next year, i will  ball my eyes out. I will miss this group so much. 

    back to the topic of how our level just keeps rising. After the Winter Concert, one thing i love dearly is the nostalgic times we have right after every performance. I have never had a teacher that sits us all down and listens to our input. We always have students crying out of happiness and in awe. I myself have been brought to tears many a times. Having Secret Santa in a school setting. I have never heard of it. 

    Oh yeah prior to the Winter Concert, (this just shows the kindness of our group) We went to an HPS concert. To support funds of a disease that causes the person to die at approximately the age of 30 due to their lung capacity. Though our part was small in that concert, we played our role with sincere hearts. I cant stress that enough. Having such a professional group that conveys genuine emotion while singing. Even when i sing for praise on a sunday morning in church, i feel that our select Chorale performances are so genuine. 

    We even went to a catholic funeral mass to sing for a district member that passed away. We sang Channel of your Peace. Seeing people cry out of genuine concern, and emotion. It touches my heart so much. 

     Event after event with Carnegie Hall, Nyssma Majors, Citifield. Placing on our blazers and singing our hearts out.

    I have to lead on to this final event. The Spring Concert. Everything we done all year led to that very moment. With the song repertoire of The Ground, Swingle, Goodnight, Amor, Witness and Road Home. The emotional Ambiance filled the room. I have never experienced such a heart felt performance. I forgot to mention. Prior to every performance we have, we have a little thing we do in the practice room. Norris somehow made everyone cry. I'm not even a a senior graduating and he made me cry.  As soon as he read the third verse of Road Home. My heart just dropped and tears filled my eyes. Rise Up follow me, come away is the road

    THE ROAD HOME
    Tell me, where is the road
    I can call my own,
    That I left, that I lost
    So long ago?
    All these years I have wandered,
    Oh when will I know
    There’s a way, there’s a road
    That will lead me home?
    
    After wind, after rain,
    When the dark is done,
    As I wake from a dream
    In the gold of day,
    Through the air there’s a calling
    From far away,
    There’s a voice I can hear
    That will lead me home.
    
    Rise up, follow me,
    Come away, is the call,
    With the love in your heart
    As the only song;
    There is no such beauty
    As where you belong;
    Rise up, follow me,
    I will lead you home.
    

    This was the song to say good bye to the seniors. Just reading the third verse in the chorus room made everyone cry. Especially cause he said "I Love You" in such a heart felt way. 

    Back to the topic of the Concert. All the things you are by Swingle was our Vocal Jazz piece. It was amazing. Having an 8 part scat aint easy. In difficulty level, it is a Nyssma level 10. For those who know what that means.

    GOOD NIGHT DEAR HEART. OH MY GOODNESS.. For this piece, the Chorale all held hands with one another. This song was commemorated to all those who had lost family members or loved ones. It was dedicated to a faculty member that passed away. In this song, all of us went to that special place in our hearts where we thought of our loved ones. I almost teared at the thought of my Grandmother possibly passing away soon due to Stomach Cancer. I sang that song for her. We saw the audience respond in tears. As we held hands. We tightened our body with every crescendo and loosened with every decrescendo. The energy was like lightning moving across the risers. 

    Amor de mi Alma. I dont know what words i have for this song. This was possibly one of my favorite. My heart broke in this one. This is a love song. While Norris was conducting, he was choking up. He was so close to tears. As soon as he had done so, my eyes let a waterfall of tears fall. Trying to maintain composure, i didnt wipe away my tears. i let them freely fall from my cheeks. Norris saying he loves us while conducting was something i couldnt handle. Translating the words from spanish to english, it would say i was born to love you and only you. i would give my last breath up for you. The concert was so emotional. 

    The next song was Witness, Whoa weee.. This song was so powerful. hehe cause it was biblical, my mother loved it. She recorded it and placed it on youtube. After Amor, this song just closed it out. Everyone just gave it their all. The very last Chord struck at the inner parts of the heart. It just reverberates around the whole room as you see Norris's  hands shake with power. Another Standing ovation occurred. It was a nice gesture. 

    To close the concert, as to close in tear drops, the last song was The Road Home. The lyrics are above. For this piece, all the seniors gathered in the first two rows of the risers. The underclassmen stood on the top two rows. This song began. I doubt any senior could finish the song. The words became tears. My section leader Paul Ferrante was already crying before the song began. In awe of how much everyone loves this group, this family. I am so honored to be a part of something like this. Towards the end of the song, the seniors wrapped their arms around each other. As the last note of the piece ended, a giant group hug occurred right on stage. I could see tears of happiness in Norris's eyes. I am so honored. 

    Tomorrow is the last day of the year. I can't believe i am a senior next year. I will give it my all and nothing less. No regrets. Leave everything on the stage. 

A Romantic Pursuit of God

http://www.revelife.com/763510660/a-romantic-pursuit-of-god/?cuttag=true#cuttaganchor

I need some of this

I believe I am speaking to a number of godly people who love Jesus with all their heart and who are at a point of deep despair.
What is the way to victory?
1. Dive into God's Word. Lay hold of your special promise, take it into the secret prayer closet, and hold God to it. I present my favorite promises to God whenever I cry out to Him:

• "What man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:9-11).

Ask the Lord for good things for He is waiting to give them to you. Ask Him to set you free, to take away all your shame, to remove all the stain of sin. He longs to do it for you.

• "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Take this promise to God every day, saying, "Father, You said You would do well above everything I ask so today I'm asking You to over-answer my prayer." God is pleased by such faith!
2. Trust the Holy Spirit. The Father has sent His Spirit to reside in your heart but you must acknowledge that He is within you to answer. God doesn't have to send an angel to speak to you; He has already put His resources within you — the Holy Spirit Himself.
Say to Him, "Holy Spirit, You know the way out of this mess. I don't. It's completely beyond me. So I'm resigning right now and I give direction of my life to You. I know that what I'm going through is not uncommon to believers and I am going to hold the Lord to His great and precious promises. And then I will trust You to do the rest because You know the very mind of God!"
Dearly beloved, if you make this simple confession, you will know times of refreshing from the Lord. Even when you are ready to give up, He remains faithful to deliver you.

Dream

I had a dream last night :O

When i have dreams, they dont usually include specific people, but somehow this one did. i remember clearly being in church. Kenny, Aaron, myself, David Jin, maybe daniel. It was about the reunion of New Wave Band. I dont remember Easter being in my dream.
I remember sitting on the drum set, and David Jin asking me, "what the heck are you doing?"
I remember saying "i want to learn how to play drums"
at this moment, the new wave band knew that we were disbanded.
Kenny came to me and we talked, we somehow agreed to let him play the guitar and i play drums for a while.
I dont remember what aaron was doing in the dream.
I should've typed this earlier, it was about the reuniting of New Wave Band. I guess i miss playing with them. Interesting dream..

Sat....

Just my luck... My printer does not have ink to print my admission's ticket...
thank God, i have some reliable friends. Thanks a bunch Rachel. Though i know you wont read this.
God I pray for a good night's sleep, hopefully a good breakfast, and a sound mind. I pray my mind will stay focused, and fresh. This is just a stepping stone to my future.

What are words?

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

pg 145

"help me to remember that no human can ever take your place in my life. You are my strength, my hope, my joy, and my ultimate reward. Bring me back to reality, God; "give me an undivided heart" (Psalm 86:11)

I'm Awesome!

I'M AWESOME!!! :)

Yeah you

Hey Beautiful :)

Yeah you. The one reading my blog :P

*smiles*

Hehe this can be considered a waste of a blog post, but its all good :P

Hi, Bye ^^

 

Easter Sunday. In Christ Alone.

Thoughts going through my head before i sleep on Resurrection Sunday. Need to keep my focus on God.

Good Friday

three days until the anniversary of his resurrection. Not easter sunday, its called Resurrection Sunday. Conquering death. The very reason we believe. I do not believe in a dead god. I believe in the living, all powerful, ever working God. The God who lives inside of me. Who guides my every step. The one that is by my side when I'm blind to him.
I believe in the one that died and paid the price for my past, present and future sins so that i may have life and enjoy it abundantly. I live and serve an all-mighty God for whom i should be bold for. Day to day, i will serve the God who provides, the God who allows me to breath. The one i fear, the one i love. My father in heaven and hallowed be his name.